Managing an Aging Parent’s Financial and Legal Life

As parent’s age, it becomes more important for their children or another trusted adult to start helping them with their finances and their legal documents, especially an estate plan. In “Six tips for managing an elderly parent’s finances,” ABC7 On Your Side presents the important tasks that need to be done.

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Can the Golden Girls Model Work for Families?

Multi-generational living is not exactly new, and as people are living longer, it may start becoming more common. Shared households bring many benefits, including convenience. Why should a nurse daughter travel 20 miles a day to take her mom’s blood pressure, asks The Mercury’s article “Do shared living arrangements make sense?”

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Preparing for Alzheimer’s

Once there has been a diagnosis of dementia, there are a number of issues that families need to address, including legal issues. The best way to approach this task, says being patient in the article “Alzheimer’s and the Law” is to meet with an estate planning attorney who can guide the family in planning for the future, and creating the needed documents.

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How to Stop the In-fighting Over Caring for Aging Parents

Remember when you were growing up and had constant squabbles with a sibling, sometimes escalating into wrestling matches? Even though we become adults, difficult sibling dynamics sometimes remain. If you and your close relatives are opinionated and speak your minds, caring for your aging adults might be a challenge. Here are some suggestions about how to stop the in-fighting over caring for aging parents.

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‘Someday’ Is Sooner than You Think

The cause for sleepless nights for many, now comes from worrying about aging parents. As parents age, it becomes more important to talk with them about a number of “someday” issues, advises Kanawha Metro in the article “Preparing for someday.” As their lives move into the elder years, your discussions will need to address housing, finances and end-of-life wishes.

Where do your parents want to spend their later years? It may be that they want to move to an active retirement community not far from where they live now, or they may want a complete change of scenery, perhaps in a warmer climate.

One family made arrangements for their mother to take a tour of a nearby senior-living community, after their father passed. By showing their mother the senior-living community, they made an unknown, slightly intimidating thing into a familiar and attractive possibility. Because she saw the facility with no pressure, just a tour and lunch, she knew what kind of options it presented. The building was clean and pretty, and the staff was friendly. Therefore, it was a positive experience. She was able to picture herself living there.

Money becomes an issue, as parents age. If the person who always handled the family finances passes away, often the surviving spouse is left trying to figure out what has been done for the last five decades. A professional can help, especially if they have had a long-standing relationship.

However, when illness or an injury takes the surviving spouse out of the picture, even for a little while, things can get out of control fast. It only takes a few weeks of not being able to write checks or manage finances, to demonstrate the wisdom of having children or a trusted person named with a power of attorney to be able to pay bills and manage the household.

As parents age and their health becomes fragile, they need help with doctor appointments. Having a child or trusted adult go with them to speak up on their behalf, or explain any confusing matters, is very important.

Having an estate plan in place is another part of the business of aging that needs to be accomplished. It may be helpful to go with your parents to meet with an estate planning attorney to create documents that include a last will and testament, durable power of attorney and advanced health care directive. Without these documents, executing their estate or helping them if they become incapacitated will be more complex, and more costly.

Eliminate a scavenger hunt by making sure that at least two siblings know where the originals of these documents are.

One of the more difficult conversations has to do with end-of-life and funeral arrangements. Where do your parents want to be buried, or do they want to be cremated? What should be done with their remains?

What do they want to be done with their personal belongings? Are there certain items that they want to be given to certain members of the family, or other people they care for? One family used masking tape and a marker to write the names of the people they wanted to receive certain items.

Finally, what do they want to happen to their pets? If there is a family member who says they will take their parent’s pet, can that person be trusted to follow through? There needs to be a Plan A, Plan B and Plan C so that the beloved pet can be assured a long and comfortable life after their owner has passed.

Yes, these are difficult conversations. However, not having them can lead to far more difficult issues. Knowing what your loved ones wish to happen, and making it enforceable with an estate plan, provides everyone in the family with peace of mind.

Reference: Kanawha Metro (May 29, 2019) “Preparing for someday”

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When is it Time to Take Over Parent’s Finances?

Losing the independence that comes with being able to drive, is often followed by the realization that parents can no longer be entrusted with their own finances. This is a difficult issue, because the parents of Baby Boomer kids are the “Greatest Generation.” As a general rule, they were and are extremely private about finances. The steps to take are outlined in this article, “Here’s how to know when it’s time to take control of your parent’s finances,” from Considerable.

The tricky part is figuring out the timing. If it is done too early, you’ll be battling with your parents. Conversely, if it is done too late, major financial damage may be done.

Keep your eyes open for signs that your parents are not able to maintain their responsibilities. That includes changes in their behavior, misplacing things and not being able to locate them, or making too many trips to the bank for reasons that they can’t or won’t explain. Another clue: purchasing things they never bought before. You may notice paperwork piling up on a desk that used to be tidy and organized.

One woman didn’t realize that her mother was being scammed, until she had sent more than $100,000 to scammers. Elderly financial abuse is pervasive, and the Senate Special Committee on Aging estimates that elderly Americans lose some $3 billion annually to financial scammers.

One elderly woman suffering from dementia, forgot to pay her long-term care insurance premiums and lost the coverage. The company had sent five notices, but she was not able to manage her finances.

Even those who have close relationships with their parents and their daily events can have slip ups. Often, the children don’t step in, until the parent has a health crisis, and then it becomes clear that things have not been right for a while. If one parent is overwhelmed by taking care of their spouse, an otherwise organized person may become prone to making mistakes.

The earlier children can become involved, the better. Children should ideally become involved with their parents, while they are still healthy and able to communicate the necessary information about their financial lives. If the family waits until illness strikes or dementia becomes apparent, there may be significant and irreversible damage done to the parent’s finances, like the woman who lost her long-term health care coverage. There are some instances where the court need to become involved, if the parents are not able or willing to let the children help.

An elder law attorney will be able to help the family as they transition the parents away from being in charge of their own finances. It’s not always an easy process but becomes necessary.

Reference: Considerable (April 18, 2019) “Here’s how to know when it’s time to take control of your parent’s finances”

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Protect A Life of Working and Saving from Long Term Care Costs

Every month, Lawrence Cappiello writes a check to a nursing home for $12,000 to pay for the cost of his wife’s nursing home care. Two years ago, his net worth was $500,000. In less than two years, the Cappiello’s savings will be gone. This unsettling story is explained in the article “How to Keep LTC Costs From Devouring Your Client’s Life Savings” from Insurance News Net. He is suffering from nursing home sticker shock and says he should have known better.

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