How to Stop the In-fighting Over Caring for Aging Parents

Remember when you were growing up and had constant squabbles with a sibling, sometimes escalating into wrestling matches? Even though we become adults, difficult sibling dynamics sometimes remain. If you and your close relatives are opinionated and speak your minds, caring for your aging adults might be a challenge. Here are some suggestions about how to stop the in-fighting over caring for aging parents.

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Here’s Why a Basic Form Doesn’t Work for Estate Planning

It’s true that an effective estate plan should be simple and straightforward, if your life is simple and straightforward. However, few of us have those kinds of lives. For many families, the discovery that a will that was created using a basic form is invalid leads to all kinds of expenses and problems, says The Daily Sentinel in an article that asks “What is wrong with using a form for my will or trust?”

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‘Someday’ Is Sooner than You Think

The cause for sleepless nights for many, now comes from worrying about aging parents. As parents age, it becomes more important to talk with them about a number of “someday” issues, advises Kanawha Metro in the article “Preparing for someday.” As their lives move into the elder years, your discussions will need to address housing, finances and end-of-life wishes.

Where do your parents want to spend their later years? It may be that they want to move to an active retirement community not far from where they live now, or they may want a complete change of scenery, perhaps in a warmer climate.

One family made arrangements for their mother to take a tour of a nearby senior-living community, after their father passed. By showing their mother the senior-living community, they made an unknown, slightly intimidating thing into a familiar and attractive possibility. Because she saw the facility with no pressure, just a tour and lunch, she knew what kind of options it presented. The building was clean and pretty, and the staff was friendly. Therefore, it was a positive experience. She was able to picture herself living there.

Money becomes an issue, as parents age. If the person who always handled the family finances passes away, often the surviving spouse is left trying to figure out what has been done for the last five decades. A professional can help, especially if they have had a long-standing relationship.

However, when illness or an injury takes the surviving spouse out of the picture, even for a little while, things can get out of control fast. It only takes a few weeks of not being able to write checks or manage finances, to demonstrate the wisdom of having children or a trusted person named with a power of attorney to be able to pay bills and manage the household.

As parents age and their health becomes fragile, they need help with doctor appointments. Having a child or trusted adult go with them to speak up on their behalf, or explain any confusing matters, is very important.

Having an estate plan in place is another part of the business of aging that needs to be accomplished. It may be helpful to go with your parents to meet with an estate planning attorney to create documents that include a last will and testament, durable power of attorney and advanced health care directive. Without these documents, executing their estate or helping them if they become incapacitated will be more complex, and more costly.

Eliminate a scavenger hunt by making sure that at least two siblings know where the originals of these documents are.

One of the more difficult conversations has to do with end-of-life and funeral arrangements. Where do your parents want to be buried, or do they want to be cremated? What should be done with their remains?

What do they want to be done with their personal belongings? Are there certain items that they want to be given to certain members of the family, or other people they care for? One family used masking tape and a marker to write the names of the people they wanted to receive certain items.

Finally, what do they want to happen to their pets? If there is a family member who says they will take their parent’s pet, can that person be trusted to follow through? There needs to be a Plan A, Plan B and Plan C so that the beloved pet can be assured a long and comfortable life after their owner has passed.

Yes, these are difficult conversations. However, not having them can lead to far more difficult issues. Knowing what your loved ones wish to happen, and making it enforceable with an estate plan, provides everyone in the family with peace of mind.

Reference: Kanawha Metro (May 29, 2019) “Preparing for someday”

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How Do I Choose a Guardian in My Estate Plan?

Selecting a guardian to care for your minor child after you die isn’t a lot of fun. Who wants to think about a situation where their young children are left to mourn their parents and live with friends or relatives? However, choosing a guardian to raise your children and manage their inheritance is crucial. If you don’t do it, you leave the decision to the court.

U.S. News and World Report’s recent article “How to Choose a Guardian for Your Child” says that, at worst, forgetting to name a guardian can mean a long court proceeding. This can be expensive, cause stress in family relationships and put your children in guardianship limbo.

There are two types of guardianship to consider when deciding who will care for your children: guardian of the estate and guardian of the person. The guardian of the estate is a person who’ll manage the minor child’s inheritance on their behalf. It’s a fiduciary responsibility, and this guardian must make sure he or she carefully and appropriately manages accounts, keeps receipts, reports back to the court and doesn’t commingle the child’s assets with his or her own. Another option is for a parent is to set up a trust and have a trustee manage the funds for the child. This can allow the parent more control over how and when money is distributed, especially if you anticipate leaving a substantial inheritance.

The guardian of the person is the daily caretaker who’ll make sure your child gets health care, educational, housing and has all other needs met.

These two guardians can be the same person or different people, depending on the skills and abilities of your family members and friends. A separate person managing the estate can provide a series of checks and balances that can help, if you are concerned about the misuse of your child’s funds.

You may want the guardian of the estate to have good money-management skills. The guardian of the person may be someone who shares your same values, has the energy to raise a child, and is close by so that your child doesn’t have to lose the familiar comforts of their school and neighborhood.

You should also name backup guardians, in the event that the primary guardian is unable or unwilling to take on the responsibility. You should also be sure to speak with your guardians ahead of time and make certain they understand the responsibility and are willing to take on the task of helping care for your children, if you pass away.

In most states, you’ll need to name your guardian or guardians as part of your will.

Talk to an experienced estate planning attorney with any questions and draft a legal will with the terms of guardianship included, along with a power of attorney and health care proxy. If you need to create a trust for your child(ren), don’t forget to fund it.

Reference: U.S. News and World Report (June 4, 2019) “How to Choose a Guardian for Your Child”

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What’s the Latest with Tom Petty’s Estate?
DEL MAR, CALIFORNIA - SEPTEMBER 17: Tom Petty performs in concert on the third day of KAABOO Del Mar on September 17, 2017 in Del Mar, California. (Photo by Gary Miller/Getty Images)

What’s the Latest with Tom Petty’s Estate?

The late Tom Petty’s wife, Dana Petty, has asked a Los Angeles judge for permission to fund the LLC Tom Petty Legacy with the singer’s assets. However, his two daughters object.

Billboard reports in a recent article, “Tom Petty’s Widow Files New Appeals Against Daughters in Escalating Battle Over Late Rocker’s Trust” that Dana asked the court to deny a previous petition filed by daughter Adria demanding that Dana immediately fund Petty Unlimited. This is an LLC created to receive assets (a.k.a. “artistic property”) from Petty’s trust. Instead, Dana wants to fund and execute an operating agreement for Tom Petty Legacy, a separate LLC that she created by herself.

Adria’s petition accused Dana of withholding Petty’s assets from Petty Unlimited to keep her and sister Annakim from “participat[ing] equally” in the management of those assets, as directed in the trust. Adria also said that under the terms of the trust, Dana was required to fund Petty Unlimited within six months of Petty’s death. However, she failed to meet that deadline.

Dana claims that she’s the “sole successor trustee” of Petty’s trust and she’s “exclusively authorized” to form any entity of her choosing to be the beneficiary of her husband’s assets—provided all three women are given equal participation in its management. She claims that the trust doesn’t specify Petty Unlimited as the only entity that can receive the assets. As such, the LLC has no legal rights to them.

Dana claims there’s been “foul behavior” on Adria’s part, stating that the 44-year-old has “caused enormous damage to many of Tom’s professional relationships” via a series of letters (allegedly sent by Adria’s lawyer Alex Weingarten) that “threaten[ed] everyone whom Tom worked with for decades: his record labels, his music lawyer David Altschul…even Tom’s longtime accountant.” Dana says the threats led the attorney, who was then representing her, to resign. She also claims Adria has been “abusive” and “slander[ous]” towards several others, including his longtime business manager Bernie Gudvi, his estate planning attorney Burton Mitchell and members of his band the Heartbreakers.

Dana accused the daughters of interfering in and, in some cases, delaying the release of several posthumous releases of Petty’s music. She says that as trustee of Petty’s trust, she is sole owner of Petty Unlimited, and that Adria and Annakim (and by extension their lawyers) have been “masquerading” as its rightful representatives. The petition notes that Dana has since signed documents to remove Adria and Annakim as managers of the LLC and “fired” a law firm as its representative.

The petition acknowledged that equal participation in the management of Petty’s assets between the three is required under the terms of the trust, but that Dana has sole power to decide on a governing structure for the entity that’s eventually funded with those assets. Now that negotiations with Adria and Annakim have broken down, Dana is trying to assert her “broad discretion” in deciding that structure without their input.

In response to Dana’s claims, Adria and Annakim’s lawyer Alex Weingarten told Billboard, “Dana and her lawyer are basing their case on smoke and mirrors. Every claim they make is demonstrably false. Adria and Annakim are laser focused on one thing—honoring and protecting their father’s legacy and enforcing the terms of his trust, as written.”

Petty died of an accidental drug overdose in October 2017, at the age of 66.

Reference: Billboard (May 30, 2019) “Tom Petty’s Widow Files New Appeals Against Daughters in Escalating Battle Over Late Rocker’s Trust”

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